GUYZZ THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY THE FIRST UPDATE BUT TO TELL U THE CONDITIN OF KHUSHI IN THIS I HAVE DECIDED TO GIVE U SOME POEMS (I DO NOT OWN ANY POEM IT BELONGS TO ITS AUTHOR I FOUND THEM PERFECT SO I TAKEN THEM PLSSS DONT BASH ME)(IT CONTAINS SOME AKWARD WORDS PLSS FORGIVE ME FOR THAT)

KHUSHI'S DAIRY

Wedding Night

My wedding night,
What a fright.
All he wanted to do was fight.

"I'm not in love with you," he said.
Last thing I want to do
Is take you to bed.

"I'd divorce you now
But it's too soon.
I'll just keep you around
And make you swoon.

"I'll pull out your fingernails
And chop off your big toe.
No one will ever know.
And if you say otherwise
I'll tell everyone
You're full of lies.

"They'll believe me
For it's plain to see
That you're the crazy
Here, not me.

"Still I'm stuck.
My fault for being a sitting duck
For a witch like you
Whose evil charms
Lured me into her smelly arms.

"In this marriage I'll never stay.
I'll wait a year or two
That's what I'll do.

"No, I'll need more time than that.
First you'll have some brats.
Then after that
I'll slowly grind you to the ground
Until one day you're no longer around.

"I'll keep the all the money for me
And take away your keys.
Then lock you in the house
Where you'll creep like a mouse
Scared to death of me.

"Yes, yes that's how it'll be.
How clever of me!

"I feel better now
Because I have something to look forward to
... Torturing you.
Hah! Maybe I should start right now.
How about I set fire to your hair?
That pretty hair that makes men stare.

"You s**t! You strumpet!
I'm not your puppet.
I'm your master.
You're my slave.
And you'll rue the day
You seduced me with your lies.

"I'm going to bed now.
But I need a drink or
I won't sleep a wink
Wondering what you'll do
While I'm asleep.
Will you kill me
Or will you just go insane?

"How about a headline like this:
'Bride loses mind.
Commits suicide
On wedding night.'

"Think about it.
It might be better than me
Murdering you, which, of course,
I'd never do.

"So goodnight, my sweet.
I'm going to sleep.
I better not hear a peep
Out of you.
If you wake me up
No telling what I'll do.
Maybe I'll cut
Your c*** in two.
Ha! Ha! Ha!"

I ran into the bathroom
And locked the door
And spent the night
On the cold bathroom floor.

The next morning
He apologized so tenderly
I almost believed
He hadn't meant
What he had said to me.

It was the stress of the wedding
Said he,
"You ruined my wedding day.
So I had to make you pay.
But darling dear
Be of good cheer
I didn't mean those things
I said last night.

"Come on, honey bunny,
Open the door.
Come on, you can't be
That scared of me."

I didn't know what to do.
If I opened the door
Who knew what gore
He had in store.
But neither could I stay in a bathroom
Forevermore.

Yet when I tried to move towards the door
My feet felt glued to the floor.
So sure was I
That I was going to die
I prayed to God to forgive my sins
For this battle with this man
I could never win.

Then he threatened to kick in the door
And bash my head against the toilet bowl.

Maybe if I opened the door and
Smiled at him for a while
When he turned his back
I could grab my purse and flee.

"Don't try to get away," he said with glee.
"I locked everything in your suitcase
And I have the key.
Now sit down and talk with me."

I sat, but my mouth couldn't move.
So it was he who talked for a long time
About how our marriage would be so divine
And he promised repeatedly
To never again be mean to me.

I didn't believe him.
But where could I go?
I was only eighteen years old.
I had no money.
I had no car.
And without any clothes
I couldn't go far.

The next few weeks
He wooed me with wine and song.
I took heart
Maybe nothing was really wrong.
Maybe the wedding night
Was just an apparition.

Little did I know
It would become an almost permanent condition.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Broken

Each day I'd cry
I wanted to die
Broken

For me it was plain
I couldn't live with the shame
Broken

How you did gloat
With your hands round my throat
Broken

And with a twist
You put the knife to my wrist
Broken

Forced in bed
f**k up and take it you said
Broken

My HEART filled with fear
With that drunken leer
Broken

YOU ALWAYS LEFT ME bruised
Frightened and confused
Broken

My mind started to fester
When you had sex with A PROSTITUTE IN FRONT OF ME
Broken

In the wounds you rubbed salt
You said it was my fault
Broken

I had rejected
Blaming me you had perfected
Broken

So much pain
Never to be the same
Just broken

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because I can

To my Husband

Why did you hurt me?

When you promised to love me!

What did I do to deserve the pain you gave me?

You promised to honor and cherish me!

Every punch, kick was like a stone shattering glass

Chips of my love for you, falling away with every strike!

You said you did it "because you could"

Why didn't we have a normal relationship?

Rather than you controlling me all the time

I gave you my all, my everything

In return you would slap, punch, kick, rape or threaten to kill me!

Why? I asked you?

You said "Because you Could"

You would say "It was all my fault"

I annoyed you therefore I should take the consequences

Why did you do that

"Because you could"

You held a knife to my throat and laugh

Why? Because you could

You would rape and bugger me

Why? Because you could

You would call me a wh**e, bitch, liar and fat

This isn't love!

Why did I stay so long?

Because you controlled my every move

I fled from you in fear of you,

I thought I couldn't cope without you

I was so wrong but to start with

I had no home, no where to go, no money, no clothes, nothing

All I had was 5 cigarettes and the clothes on my back

I was scared of you and didn't know what to do

I THINK OF A BETTER LIFE

A better life, a life without fear or intimidation

No more walking on egg shells

Or awaiting the next beating or rape

BUT U TILL NOW

you left me with scars ' emotional and physical

MY LIFE IS IN UR HANDS AND I CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO SAVE MY LIFE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

he tells me not to look that way
he tells me not to dress that way
he tells me not to talk that way
he tells me not to act that way

he smacks me
he tells me I better shut up or else
he tells me I am worthless
he tells me my no's are meaningless
he doesn't care that I don't want to or that I am crying

he tells me he loves me
he tells me I am his and I will always be, that he owns me
he tells me no one will ever love me like he does

he tells me I am stupid
he tells me I am a hoe
he tells me he will kill me

he sucks the life out of me

I finally had enough
I could not continue to live this way
I realized these were all lies
I decided this behavior was unacceptable
I finally got out

I was young
I didn't know any better
I kept it to myself
I was ashamed
I lived in fear

I refuse to be controlled
I refuse be abused
I refuse to end up dead

I deserve to be safe
I deserve respect
I deserve to be loved
I deserve to be happy
I deserve to be free to be me
I deserve to be treated well

I am worth it! but only in my eyes for him i am a dool with whom he can do everything

IN THIS FF KHUSHI IS VERY DARK AND DESTROYED